In the article, "What's Love Got to Do With It?" writer Anjula Razdan professes herself to be a romantic soul. Many people I have known over the years also hold on to notions of romantic love, passion, and fate guiding them to some predestined, happily-ever-after life with "the one". Razdan's article contrasts the ideas of freedom in choosing a mate, and pursuing romantic love against institutions of arranged marriage.
In the environment of an arranged marriage, the assumption is that the families are highly involved in the lives of those betrothed. As such, it seems that the betrothed are both sheltered from the attempts and failures that a blind, romantic romp through life in search of a spouse entails. Without these experiences, it may be difficult to learn important things about one's self. Additionally, it seems to me that if the family is so involved in their children's lives, then important values are already matched in parallel with the betrothed partner. Relationship skills, particularly communication and the creation of reasonable expectations (which vary from culture to culture, but whatever they are they should be shared by both partners) will already be in place as the relationship develops. I think in this way arranged marriage is a reasonably a healthy way to develop a relationship. Arranged marriages encourage cultivation of important sills and developing intimate knowledge of a partner over time in a safe environment, to the end of building a healthy respect and love. This analysis however, leaves out the human factor. There are many ways in which an arranged marriage may be flawed, including the betrothed partners having no common interests, or no physical attraction to one another. They may work to live up to the expectations to make the marriage work, but it may not be personally fulfilling to either partner.
In contrast to the environment of an arranged marriage, a person allowing them self to be guided by the notions of a destined partner is likely to fall in love over and over again with ineffective partners. We have all seen and heard about people who have a "type" and in particular those who keep attracting the same type of person thereby repeating the same mistakes. By allowing emotion and physical attraction to a person within the confines of living within close proximity to guide one into a relationship, a person may find some initial satisfaction. This satisfaction is brought about by holding certain expectations, maybe expectations of physical qualities that are attractive, or of some personality points that are shown publicly. Some examples of publicly displayed personality points include humor, a sense of adventure, or mysteriousness. While one may initially find these traits by which they judge another exciting or attractive, once the whole picture of a person develops it is entirely possible (even statistically likely) that there are important and glaring incompatibilities that prevent a lasting relationship from forming. The up side to these experiences is that they allow for self exploration and personal growth, but I do not feel that these avenues for self exploration are the healthiest. Taking this approach to searching for a mate often leads to the couple becoming deeply involved, and losing a lot through leaving the relationship. This scenario often leads to divorces, heartache and even single-parent homes.
I don't necessarily agree with either of these notions. My stance on these ideas is somewhere in between. Some families may chose to practice arranged marriages, others may allow their offspring to be responsible for choosing a mate on their own, allowing and possibly encouraging notions of destiny and romanticized ideas of love to be the basis of choosing a partner. However, I am of the opinion that people have a choice. Both of the options presented in the article seem extreme to me, and not necessarily carried out in the best interest of the people being partnered. While each approach has noble notions of being carried out for the satisfaction of values held by those involved, I feel that neither truly does justice to the well being of the individuals coupled.
I believe the healthiest approach is a medium between these approaches, not that a family should choose a mate for their child, nor that romantic notions of love and destiny are the correct approach. I feel that an individual should take responsibility for choosing their mate. Taking into consideration the perspective of one's elder family members is useful information in determining the appropriateness of a mate, because parents and other immediate family are the best outside sources for information about the self, sometimes seeing qualities that a person blinded by attraction may overlook during the process of selecting a mate. Being personally responsible also, for growing and becoming a healthy person who is functional in a relationship is an important process. No other person can turn an individual into an effective version of themselves. That is something achieved individually. Help and support from family can be beneficial toward achieving this state, or one could turn to spirituality for growth, or even enlist professional help.
Even if there is some validity to the argument that there is someone out there specifically for everyone (which is not based on any observable or testable points, so really can't be said to be arguable or valid, beyond the validity inherent in being comforting to those who believe), once that destined partner comes along it would be important to be an effective person. If an effective state has not been achieved that special someone could be dissatisfied, resulting in a failed relationship and a missed chance. A person searching for a mate who has not taken time to reflect on their values is flying blind and can not be expected to make satisfying, long term bonds. Without that perspective and understanding what makes an effective partner, one cannot maximize their partnering potential.
The partnering criteria to consider may vary from person to person, but the basic building blocks are also covered in the article by Psychology Today editor Robert Epstein. These include being deliberate in making love work, through learning and practicing effective communication and fostering intimacy. His ideas are that these are learned skills that can be implemented by anyone and that lasting love can be created. My perspective on his approach is that it is an important clinical research project, but not a holistic method for building functional relationships. In my view, an important aspect of a good relationship is mutual interests. Through mutual interests a couple has a means of enjoying each other's company. Also through mutual interests, the couple has ways to establish and maintain intimacy and enjoyment in your relationship, as well as reasons to maintain interest in the other person and their life as an individual.
In searching for a mate, I believe it's important to use rationality, logic, and skills related to building communication, intimacy and trust in a relationship especially if you want your "happily ever after". Failing to cultivate a meaningful and healthy relationship in this way is likely to end in heartache and failure. Based on my experience, chasing after relationships based on physical attraction or surface qualities taken at face value without taking due time to evaluate these surface qualities, is a terrible idea. After spending some time with a person and being intimately involved the involved people open themselves to each other and create vulnerability. Making the choice to be vulnerable to something that is not known or understood doesn't seem like a sound plan. Growing to understand the other person may bring one to the realization that their partner is not suitable for a relationship. The other possibility is that the relationship seeker is not ready. Making this determination before creating vulnerability is a safe, respectful, healthy to cultivate a relationship and relationship maintenance skills. For many people there is an intimacy and deep emotional importance attached to physical and sexual relationships. If a couple enters into this kind of relationship without taking the time to intimately know their partner and understand their own values, needs, and plans as well as those of their partner then the odds are that someone is going to get hurt emotionally.
Romance may happen in the course of acting upon the pheremonal, chemical sense of instant, otherwise unexplainable attraction. However, romance may also be cultivated between two people who have a healthy bond. Additionally, romance will fade in a relationship based on romantic notions themselves, but it can be added as a sort of spice and additional pleasure taken in a relationship that has been grown from a healthy place.
I see no problem with seeking out a relationship freely, outside of the confines of an arranged marriage, in fact there is a wonderful sense of freedom, excitement, and possibility that comes from the search. there is also a remarkable sense ownership and pride that comes at the end of a personal search. Knowing you met your goal and achieved something meaningful is a wonderful personal milestone.
I feel that, unfortunately, too many relationships are rushed because people don't understand the principles of building a healthy relationship. I think this is why statistically so many relationships fail. However, if after a million dates with people that don't share the important things in common, finding that long sought after person who does compliment the searching individual is a highly appreciated thing due to the efforts put into the search. Maybe suggesting that love can be built as in the experiment referenced in this article is a little outlandish, due to the amount of conditioning and varied backgrounds from which established adults come. These people are bringing lots to the table that may not be compatible. the couple being formed may not be interested in one another as individuals. This lack of interest and romance can be deadly to a relationship. The learned skills of communication and fostering mutual love may not be enough to want to spend a lifetime with someone if interest and romance are lacking. However, applying these ideas to seeking a relationship and forming bonds with someone in whom there is an attraction and interest, I believe long term success and satisfaction may be found.
I do believe love can be made to last, and it requires an effort on both partner's parts. Initial attraction is a dizzying, euphoric sensation that is a short term pleasure to pursue, however it has no long term value other than learning that it is not a good criteria to plan your life by.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
In the three advertisements presented to me for analysis, various types of advertising techniques have been used to appeal to differing audiences. I will be discussing what observations I have made about these particular advertisements and how they use visual rhetoric to make the product appeal to differing target audiences.
This advertisement for Antonio Federici Gelato is the first advertisement I will be analyzing. In this image, the audience is first presented with recognizable figures of a priest and a nun. Given the namesake of the product, it could be surmised that this is an Italian brand. Knowing also that the center of Catholicism, Vatican city, is in Italy it is easy to see how these images are definitely a part of the culture in which this advertisement exists, and the iconic images used could be instantly recognizable, and even identified with readily, as opposed to their image in a different market. Secondly, after appealing to familiarity of the audience, the advertisers appeal to sexuality. There is a recognizable sexual tension between these figures in their body positioning. People not intimately acquainted do not stand in such close proximity, and the characters depicted even look like they may kiss. Additionally, the models portraying these characters are young, attractive people in dramatic lighting. The woman is even wearing a popular and sexy style of makeup in the shot. All of these factors come together to appeal to an audience of young, image oriented consumers. Additionally the slogan used, "Submit to temptation" adds a bit of comedic irony to the advertisement, but may also appeal to the idea of living in an edgy, against the grain lifestyle that many young image centered people would gravitate to. Young people tend to be rebellious against certain institutions and standards constructed in their lives, and doing something indulgent in the face of responsible spending and health awareness might be easily seen as a temptation, even more so given the dark mysterious, sexy imagery associated with this advertisement.
In this advertisement, the initial image that registers is the relationship established between the gorilla and the man by their poses and facial expressions. These are instantly understood to be representative of the same man, or at least comparisons by their similarities. The slogan "Brings out the human in men" allows men in the audience to identify with the difference one feels after a needed shave. Many men feel refreshed, clean and attractive after a shave. When unshaven and feling a lack of these qualities, the state is well represented by equating an unshaven man to a gorilla. The man in the photo is older, but he has a finished, dignified appearance, and is dressed sharply. All of these suggest what a man may feel like after a shave, and in this advertisement, it is suggested that a man will feel this way after using the Braun Series 7. This advertisement uses humor in the comparison and a metaphorical reference to familiar feelings to appeal to an audience of men who want to appear dignified, clean and debonaire.
This advertisement from the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) appeals to urban and suburban adults, both young and old, by using a familiar cultural icon in the character of Tarzan. People in this audience, who have no frame of reference for identifying with a rainforest need a familiar image to draw them into the content of the advertisement. There is some levity in seeing Tarzan falling out of the trees, but more to the point of the advertisement, there is a visual juxtaposition of lush rainforest, and barren landscape being buldozed. On the barren side, to create emotional appeal, there is a lack of anything built up and dark gray clouds over the land that suggest an ominous, endless destruction with devestating consequences on the horizon. The overall image catches the attention of the audience and draws them into a land and situation that may have otherwise been ignored due to physical distance. Additionally it creates an appeal to the emotions of people on a subconscious level to say that there are terrible things happening in the world that the WWF is in place to stop. The image of falling Tarzan could also be interpreted as a metaphor for the state of impending doom in deforestation.
Each of these ads appeals to a different demographic group, and uses different imagery to do so. They use sexual, emotional and familial appeals to convince their intended audience to sympathize with their message. The association between the message and the product may not be logically linked, but are bridged in a less literal way by attaching emotional context to the product which is intended to persuade consumers of a particular inclination to become interested in and buy those products. Many decisions are influenced emotionally and in this way advertising creates an appeal.
Each of these ads appeals to a different demographic group, and uses different imagery to do so. They use sexual, emotional and familial appeals to convince their intended audience to sympathize with their message. The association between the message and the product may not be logically linked, but are bridged in a less literal way by attaching emotional context to the product which is intended to persuade consumers of a particular inclination to become interested in and buy those products. Many decisions are influenced emotionally and in this way advertising creates an appeal.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
A Mid-Semester's Rut
This semester has brought on many new challenges, as I expect from every semester. As in previous semesters, mid-term is drawing near and I am feeling burnt out. As I understand it, this happens to most students, and knowing that I am not alone in the experience makes it easier to deal with. Managing the burnout, and regaining my perspective however, is the real goal. If I fail to do that I could end up in trouble.
Although I'm finding it difficult to focus and get motivated, I'm working at improving the skills I need to succeed in my classes. Also, I'm trying to keep in perspective that these skills interrelate to other classes and future employment. As the semester proceeds, it becomes more difficult to stay interested and motivated. I am losing sight of what drives me to be here in the first place. The primary thing now that keeps me going is the sense of accomplishment from earning good grades and realizing that I do not want to work in shipping for the rest of my life.
As I consider that last point, I recognize that many people work in the same industry for the majority of their career. Some start at the bottom of a solid company, and work their way into managment, securing a solid financial life for themselves and their family. However, with the twists and turns of progress and the economy, I don't believe that planning to work for one company or continually moving forward without a formal education are plausible goals. In my life experience, if you work in unskilled or semi-skilled labor, you have no job security. You can be dismissed, fired for circumstances outside of your control, or laid off. All of these become more and more beneficial for the company's bottom line as you gain experience and higher rates of pay. They can always find someone who will do the job for less. These experiences make me feel as though the deck is stacked against me in terms of climbing the company ladder.
Even skilled labor only guarantees a better starting wage, and a small degree of job security. The only way to get out of the trap of being expendable is to make something of yourself that is in demand and will always be. My plan for this is to become a scientist. The march of progress seems to drive the new economy, leaders in technology become financial powers. Financial powers become world powers.
Money is necessary, but has not always been my primary motivation. As I progress and start to feel the burnout setting in, that seems to be the only way I look at things to stay engaged. The real reasons I wanted to go into science to begin with are to use my intelligence and creativity in my work, and to be valued. The volume of work it takes to pursue a degree, keep a job, and maintain a home leaves me feeling unable to look beyond the surface of what I'm doing. It becomes difficult to see what my path really means to me. Loss of perspective is a dangerous thing, it can lead to depression and bad choices. Feeling burnout, at the surface, seems like a minuscule problem. Yeah, I don't feel like doing my homework. I know that making that choice can result in lower grades. In the short term, as long as it's managed and overcome, these things are not a big deal. When my research is published and reviewed by my peers, they won't be asking me what my overal lpercentage was in english 101, or chemistry 112. The attention will be on the validity of my process and data. Burnout results in questioning though, and when I start to question the very thing I'm pursuing and my life path in general, that is where the danger sets in.
Questioning my path leads me to brainstorm about other options. Being an impulsive person, I have a history of jumping ship from whatever I'm doing to pursue some whim. This pattern is doomed to fail by it's very nature. Giving up never brings success, even if the intent is to pursue success elsewhere. To prevent repeating the mistakes of the past, I choose now to deal with this burnout experience by sticking to the long term plan, and letting the daydreams of other paths go on by. I choose not to attach myself to them and to just keep moving forward though the steps of building the life I am in the process of creating.
Choosing to return to school, and taking the time to find a fitting path were good decisions arrived at after myriad diversions and mistakes. Now I choose to focus on following through and succeeding. It may be that I am feeling burnt out, but I will not let it stop me. I will find some time to refocus myself and get back on track to finish the semester strong. Then I will work on implementing the same techniques in future semesters to keep my motivation up. The semester is getting tough, but I'll succeed.
Although I'm finding it difficult to focus and get motivated, I'm working at improving the skills I need to succeed in my classes. Also, I'm trying to keep in perspective that these skills interrelate to other classes and future employment. As the semester proceeds, it becomes more difficult to stay interested and motivated. I am losing sight of what drives me to be here in the first place. The primary thing now that keeps me going is the sense of accomplishment from earning good grades and realizing that I do not want to work in shipping for the rest of my life.
As I consider that last point, I recognize that many people work in the same industry for the majority of their career. Some start at the bottom of a solid company, and work their way into managment, securing a solid financial life for themselves and their family. However, with the twists and turns of progress and the economy, I don't believe that planning to work for one company or continually moving forward without a formal education are plausible goals. In my life experience, if you work in unskilled or semi-skilled labor, you have no job security. You can be dismissed, fired for circumstances outside of your control, or laid off. All of these become more and more beneficial for the company's bottom line as you gain experience and higher rates of pay. They can always find someone who will do the job for less. These experiences make me feel as though the deck is stacked against me in terms of climbing the company ladder.
Even skilled labor only guarantees a better starting wage, and a small degree of job security. The only way to get out of the trap of being expendable is to make something of yourself that is in demand and will always be. My plan for this is to become a scientist. The march of progress seems to drive the new economy, leaders in technology become financial powers. Financial powers become world powers.
Money is necessary, but has not always been my primary motivation. As I progress and start to feel the burnout setting in, that seems to be the only way I look at things to stay engaged. The real reasons I wanted to go into science to begin with are to use my intelligence and creativity in my work, and to be valued. The volume of work it takes to pursue a degree, keep a job, and maintain a home leaves me feeling unable to look beyond the surface of what I'm doing. It becomes difficult to see what my path really means to me. Loss of perspective is a dangerous thing, it can lead to depression and bad choices. Feeling burnout, at the surface, seems like a minuscule problem. Yeah, I don't feel like doing my homework. I know that making that choice can result in lower grades. In the short term, as long as it's managed and overcome, these things are not a big deal. When my research is published and reviewed by my peers, they won't be asking me what my overal lpercentage was in english 101, or chemistry 112. The attention will be on the validity of my process and data. Burnout results in questioning though, and when I start to question the very thing I'm pursuing and my life path in general, that is where the danger sets in.
Questioning my path leads me to brainstorm about other options. Being an impulsive person, I have a history of jumping ship from whatever I'm doing to pursue some whim. This pattern is doomed to fail by it's very nature. Giving up never brings success, even if the intent is to pursue success elsewhere. To prevent repeating the mistakes of the past, I choose now to deal with this burnout experience by sticking to the long term plan, and letting the daydreams of other paths go on by. I choose not to attach myself to them and to just keep moving forward though the steps of building the life I am in the process of creating.
Choosing to return to school, and taking the time to find a fitting path were good decisions arrived at after myriad diversions and mistakes. Now I choose to focus on following through and succeeding. It may be that I am feeling burnt out, but I will not let it stop me. I will find some time to refocus myself and get back on track to finish the semester strong. Then I will work on implementing the same techniques in future semesters to keep my motivation up. The semester is getting tough, but I'll succeed.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Response to "What Is It About 20-Somethings?"
In Robin Marantz Henig's article, "What Is It About 20-Somethings?" Jeffrey Jensen Arnett is pointed to as the head of the movement to define a new life stage he calls "emerging adulthood". This is a stage from approximately 18 years of age to the late 20's in which people are generally taking longer than historically considered normal to develop into what is considered full adulthood. Full adulthood, meaning to have met certain milestones in life including leaving home, gaining financial independence, completing school, getting married, and having children.
In my own life I have seen patterns of behavior consistent with the idea of a state like emerging adulthood. Some people are not convinced that emerging adulthood is truly a life stage. On all sides of the stage hypothesis debate, there is an awareness that if this is truly determined to be a life stage then certain reforms will have to be made.
I feel that I grew up with a lack of training for handling the adult world, which has affected my actions and attitudes toward adult life. I thought being an adult would be simple and I would excel due to natural talent. However, upon entering into the real world I learned through trial and error that I was not nearly prepared for the responsibilities and expectations of adult life. There were many things to learn about adulthood which had eluded me.
Fortunately I have had the opportunity to meander, make different decisions, and mistakes. These allowed me to fail, learn, try something different and find my niche. Without objective guidance, I have had no idea where to begin. So surrounded by possibilities I just made decisions to try whatever came along and seemed like fun. This approach often led to failed pursuits. From each failure, I began narrowing down possibilities one by one. Using experiences to narrow down possibilities led to valuable learning about myself. The pursuit of so many seemingly unrelated pursuits also created the sense and appearance of meandering and never following through with things.
Not only did I have no idea about how to find a path on which I could be successful, but I also had no idea of how to manage the nuts and bolts of day to day responsibilities. Being suddenly confronted with tasks at which I had no experience, and for which I had no guidance, I quickly became overwhelmed. I failed or just plain quit many things. I felt incapable and out of place due to the failures and frustration, which was a difficult feeling to shake. The experiences of failure, which led to recognizing my own ignorance allowed me to learn valuable skills and transferable abilities that have since aided me in making progress toward adulthood. However, I still experience the residual effects of anxiety over what should be commonplace things, like keeping a schedule, filling out tax forms, and confronting the bills that arrive in the mail.
I wonder how many of these same things my parents must have experienced? To have raised me but not prepared me with essential skills for daily life or self-knowledge enough to even have a direction to begin with they may have been lost in those areas themselves. The unfortunate conclusion about this I am inclined to draw is that upon entering the adult world themselves, the previous generation may have been thrust into deeper responsibilities than those I have had to contend with. Not having the opportunity to experience an emerging adulthood free of major responsibilities, they may have been forced to deal with adult life in a state that was less than full self actualization. With challenges such as holding down a job in a structured environment that may have left them feeling dissatisfied, but needing to stay in the job to maintain a financially stable household and provide for a family, that generation may not have acquired the self-knowledge needed to see the guidance that their children, floundering through emerging adulthood, would need to be successful. Then again, how much good advice have we all turned a deaf ear toward? I seem to have seen my parents specifically, reach more fully actualized states in their older years. Perhaps that is one argument for emerging adulthood as a true developmental stage. If one does not complete that stage at the appropriate time in life, then that person may struggle to obtain the skills related to that stage for the rest of their life.
There is no way to change the past, no way to know if things would have been different for our parents or for us had they the opportunity to experience an emerging adulthood like many people in the 18-30 age range experience today. This uncertainty about the outcome of a different approach to the emerging adult life stage may be partially responsible for the lack of a common agreement on whether or not this is truly a life stage. I believe that there is not enough evidence yet to completely discount either the idea that it is a separate life stage, or the idea that handling emerging adulthood differently will produce different outcomes in adulthood. As with the time before adolescence was recognized, children in that stage were treated as adults or as children. There was not a recognized adolescent transition phase. Without appropriate safeguards to adolescent development in place, nobody could have known that taking a different course would bring about different effects. Additionally, until research had been conducted and enough evidence gathered to demonstrate definitively that adolescence was a different stage of development there could not have been an acceptance of the stage. Nor could there have been any agreement on what adolescents required for full healthy development. Since the research has become clear and the stage accepted reform has occurred consistent with helping adolescents mature in the healthiest way that may be enabled.
I feel that the stage at which research on emerging adulthood stands, there are only indicators of it as a different life stage. There isn't enough hard evidence yet to definitively declare it different, but the research is incomplete. According to Henig's article, in studies of brain and nervous system development the longest running studies went until the subjects were 25 years of age. In these studies, the growth curve for white matter development in the brain seems to suggest continued growth into at least the late 20's, but that is the best logical supposition anyone can make based on this incomplete data. I feel more research will need to be done with older subjects and carefully examined before this can be definitivly labeled a life stage.
Outside of the academic and scientific communities however, people still have choices. I believe it may be valuable not only to individuals, but to the researchers working on this project and possibly even to society as a whole to test variations on the idea of support systems for people in this age range.
Having an additional support network could be of great help to individuals learning to navigate the adult world. These programs should experimentally range in level of structure and involvment, from highly ordered and rigid, to relaxed and informal. The focus of these programs should also be taken into account, varying from fully rounded training to helping people in this stage work through their confusion and the problems they face. These foci could also go as far as career potential identification or into the realm of service culture. These differing parameters can act as independent variables for the researchers studying the nature of emerging adulthood, and the effects of different support approaches. Checking the different approaches against different personality types could help determine if there is a general good fit, or if programs should be tailored to fit an individual's developmental needs.
The overarching goals of the programs should be to produce more healthy, self-actualized people ready to take on their roles in the adult world. Some possible approaches to this could be integrated into the college setting, or a mentorship program based on tribal ideas of elder roles. In the proposed systems, elder mentor figures could be in place to support emerging adults, while the emerging adults are in a mentoring position to adolescents. A structure like this could enhance the sense of empowerment, and community, and teach a number of valuable ideas to multiple groups simultaneously. Having a mentor at this stage in life could assist emerging adults in finding answers to the questions about how to manage the responsibilities of adult life in a way that is personal, and effective for the individual. From expereinced older adults and possibly trained professionals, a lot of good could come from showing willing emerging adults how to be responsible and understand their world.
Some specific skills that I believe should be addressed in any program like the ones proposed here are the skills required to navigate and manage the complex world of personal finance. Also, communicating effectively is an important skill many colleges integrate into the core cirriculum, but many people choose not to go to college. Programs outside of a college setting could integrate these skills also, even if the approach is less structured.
Understanding one's self should also be a priority of attending one of these programs. With the diversity in the population's ability range, it seems logical to me that people will have different strengths. Also, since there are so many career possibilities, if individual strengths are applied to the right vocation by voluntarily recognizing what one is able to do well, not only will the general sense of satisfaction be present for doing something well, but effective teams can be built which contributes to the success of the whole population.
Personal experience and critical consideration of this state have led me to believe that the benefits I have suggested as possible from a reform program to support emerging adults are clear. I believe reforming the expectations of and support available through emerging adulthood to be in the best interest of all. Whatever the research points to in terms of labeling a new life stage, I believe that self actualization and success are both important for reaching true adulthood. While an individual may reach the previously listed milestones without that support, having the chance to reach self-actualization because of this time of emerging adulthood may help reduce problems in the future. More satisfied people live healthier more productive lives. Healthier more productive lives are good for cutting costs and increasing profits. This situation is good for the economy. When these people have their own children they will be prepared to raise them in a healthy way and hand down the life lessons and skills those children will need to reach full development. If for some reason this passing down of knowledge does not happen in the home, there could be programs in place to assist the next generation just as they could this generation.
Henig, Robin Marantz. "What Is It About 20-Somethings?".
New York Times Magazine 18 Aug. 2010: 1-10.
www.nytimes.com. Web. 9 Feb. 2011
In my own life I have seen patterns of behavior consistent with the idea of a state like emerging adulthood. Some people are not convinced that emerging adulthood is truly a life stage. On all sides of the stage hypothesis debate, there is an awareness that if this is truly determined to be a life stage then certain reforms will have to be made.
I feel that I grew up with a lack of training for handling the adult world, which has affected my actions and attitudes toward adult life. I thought being an adult would be simple and I would excel due to natural talent. However, upon entering into the real world I learned through trial and error that I was not nearly prepared for the responsibilities and expectations of adult life. There were many things to learn about adulthood which had eluded me.
Fortunately I have had the opportunity to meander, make different decisions, and mistakes. These allowed me to fail, learn, try something different and find my niche. Without objective guidance, I have had no idea where to begin. So surrounded by possibilities I just made decisions to try whatever came along and seemed like fun. This approach often led to failed pursuits. From each failure, I began narrowing down possibilities one by one. Using experiences to narrow down possibilities led to valuable learning about myself. The pursuit of so many seemingly unrelated pursuits also created the sense and appearance of meandering and never following through with things.
Not only did I have no idea about how to find a path on which I could be successful, but I also had no idea of how to manage the nuts and bolts of day to day responsibilities. Being suddenly confronted with tasks at which I had no experience, and for which I had no guidance, I quickly became overwhelmed. I failed or just plain quit many things. I felt incapable and out of place due to the failures and frustration, which was a difficult feeling to shake. The experiences of failure, which led to recognizing my own ignorance allowed me to learn valuable skills and transferable abilities that have since aided me in making progress toward adulthood. However, I still experience the residual effects of anxiety over what should be commonplace things, like keeping a schedule, filling out tax forms, and confronting the bills that arrive in the mail.
I wonder how many of these same things my parents must have experienced? To have raised me but not prepared me with essential skills for daily life or self-knowledge enough to even have a direction to begin with they may have been lost in those areas themselves. The unfortunate conclusion about this I am inclined to draw is that upon entering the adult world themselves, the previous generation may have been thrust into deeper responsibilities than those I have had to contend with. Not having the opportunity to experience an emerging adulthood free of major responsibilities, they may have been forced to deal with adult life in a state that was less than full self actualization. With challenges such as holding down a job in a structured environment that may have left them feeling dissatisfied, but needing to stay in the job to maintain a financially stable household and provide for a family, that generation may not have acquired the self-knowledge needed to see the guidance that their children, floundering through emerging adulthood, would need to be successful. Then again, how much good advice have we all turned a deaf ear toward? I seem to have seen my parents specifically, reach more fully actualized states in their older years. Perhaps that is one argument for emerging adulthood as a true developmental stage. If one does not complete that stage at the appropriate time in life, then that person may struggle to obtain the skills related to that stage for the rest of their life.
There is no way to change the past, no way to know if things would have been different for our parents or for us had they the opportunity to experience an emerging adulthood like many people in the 18-30 age range experience today. This uncertainty about the outcome of a different approach to the emerging adult life stage may be partially responsible for the lack of a common agreement on whether or not this is truly a life stage. I believe that there is not enough evidence yet to completely discount either the idea that it is a separate life stage, or the idea that handling emerging adulthood differently will produce different outcomes in adulthood. As with the time before adolescence was recognized, children in that stage were treated as adults or as children. There was not a recognized adolescent transition phase. Without appropriate safeguards to adolescent development in place, nobody could have known that taking a different course would bring about different effects. Additionally, until research had been conducted and enough evidence gathered to demonstrate definitively that adolescence was a different stage of development there could not have been an acceptance of the stage. Nor could there have been any agreement on what adolescents required for full healthy development. Since the research has become clear and the stage accepted reform has occurred consistent with helping adolescents mature in the healthiest way that may be enabled.
I feel that the stage at which research on emerging adulthood stands, there are only indicators of it as a different life stage. There isn't enough hard evidence yet to definitively declare it different, but the research is incomplete. According to Henig's article, in studies of brain and nervous system development the longest running studies went until the subjects were 25 years of age. In these studies, the growth curve for white matter development in the brain seems to suggest continued growth into at least the late 20's, but that is the best logical supposition anyone can make based on this incomplete data. I feel more research will need to be done with older subjects and carefully examined before this can be definitivly labeled a life stage.
Outside of the academic and scientific communities however, people still have choices. I believe it may be valuable not only to individuals, but to the researchers working on this project and possibly even to society as a whole to test variations on the idea of support systems for people in this age range.
Having an additional support network could be of great help to individuals learning to navigate the adult world. These programs should experimentally range in level of structure and involvment, from highly ordered and rigid, to relaxed and informal. The focus of these programs should also be taken into account, varying from fully rounded training to helping people in this stage work through their confusion and the problems they face. These foci could also go as far as career potential identification or into the realm of service culture. These differing parameters can act as independent variables for the researchers studying the nature of emerging adulthood, and the effects of different support approaches. Checking the different approaches against different personality types could help determine if there is a general good fit, or if programs should be tailored to fit an individual's developmental needs.
The overarching goals of the programs should be to produce more healthy, self-actualized people ready to take on their roles in the adult world. Some possible approaches to this could be integrated into the college setting, or a mentorship program based on tribal ideas of elder roles. In the proposed systems, elder mentor figures could be in place to support emerging adults, while the emerging adults are in a mentoring position to adolescents. A structure like this could enhance the sense of empowerment, and community, and teach a number of valuable ideas to multiple groups simultaneously. Having a mentor at this stage in life could assist emerging adults in finding answers to the questions about how to manage the responsibilities of adult life in a way that is personal, and effective for the individual. From expereinced older adults and possibly trained professionals, a lot of good could come from showing willing emerging adults how to be responsible and understand their world.
Some specific skills that I believe should be addressed in any program like the ones proposed here are the skills required to navigate and manage the complex world of personal finance. Also, communicating effectively is an important skill many colleges integrate into the core cirriculum, but many people choose not to go to college. Programs outside of a college setting could integrate these skills also, even if the approach is less structured.
Understanding one's self should also be a priority of attending one of these programs. With the diversity in the population's ability range, it seems logical to me that people will have different strengths. Also, since there are so many career possibilities, if individual strengths are applied to the right vocation by voluntarily recognizing what one is able to do well, not only will the general sense of satisfaction be present for doing something well, but effective teams can be built which contributes to the success of the whole population.
Personal experience and critical consideration of this state have led me to believe that the benefits I have suggested as possible from a reform program to support emerging adults are clear. I believe reforming the expectations of and support available through emerging adulthood to be in the best interest of all. Whatever the research points to in terms of labeling a new life stage, I believe that self actualization and success are both important for reaching true adulthood. While an individual may reach the previously listed milestones without that support, having the chance to reach self-actualization because of this time of emerging adulthood may help reduce problems in the future. More satisfied people live healthier more productive lives. Healthier more productive lives are good for cutting costs and increasing profits. This situation is good for the economy. When these people have their own children they will be prepared to raise them in a healthy way and hand down the life lessons and skills those children will need to reach full development. If for some reason this passing down of knowledge does not happen in the home, there could be programs in place to assist the next generation just as they could this generation.
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| Image source: commons.wikimedia.org |
Henig, Robin Marantz. "What Is It About 20-Somethings?".
New York Times Magazine 18 Aug. 2010: 1-10.
www.nytimes.com. Web. 9 Feb. 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Response to "Laugh, Kookaburra"
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| Town View Guest House Daylesford Victoria, Australia |
As prescribed, I have recently read the essay "Laugh, Kookaburra" by David Sedaris. In Mr. Sedaris' essay, he begins with a reflection on his relationship with his father. We are brought first to a time when David Sedaris and Lou Sedaris (David Sedaris' father) are visiting a relative. During this visit they engage in an embarrassing bit of bickering, as often happens between family members. His father's criticisms bring David Sedaris back to a time during which he and his boyfriend, Hugh, were visiting Australia. After attending to business they meet up with a friend who is native to Australia, Pat. Pat acts as their guide, taking them to new and unfamiliar areas of Australia. During their drive Pat asks David Sedaris and Hugh to picture a four burner stove as an analogy for aspects of life that are priorities; specifically health, family, friends and work. She explains that, in order to be successful, one must turn off one of their burners. In order to be very successful, one must cut off two. This demonstrates one view of the relationship between success and priorities.
Through the course of this discussion we learn a lot about the people involved by their views of success, and what priorities they have selected above others. Introducing this analogy also invites us to reflect on our own definitions of success and priorities. We learn that David Sedaris has cut off friends, and in a less committal way, health. He is not proud of this, but his priorities are family (presumably including Hugh) and work. Hugh doesn't particularly need to work as his boyfriend is very successful in his own, so Hugh cut off his work. Pat cut off family because the relationship she had with them was more harmful than helpful.
Through David Sedaris' reflections on this topic, we come to find out more about his childhood and how his family defined him as an individual and how he measures himself and his own success by the identity he has developed through them.
The major themes at play here are definitions of success, and identity. Personally, I found that reading this essay brought to mind my own ideas about success, and how prioritizing the different aspects of my life affect success.
I am not entirely sure what success means to me. I have been going through a transitional time in which I have been defining my own ideas of success. For a long time I felt that success was defined by being in the state of not needing anybody. I felt that I had to be totally independent, and self sufficient to be successful. Financial independence, interpersonal independence, I took the idea that every man is an island and understood that to mean every man must be isolated and independent of other islands. The idea of an archipelago as an aspect of identity never occurred to me. I felt that was an arbitrary label which ignored the identity of the individual islands. I failed to look past the boundaries of the shoreline.
Until recently I never considered the actual effects of things in the world on one another. Whether we are looking at the island metaphor, or more specifically at people as they truly live, our circumstances are affected greatly by the things that happen around us. Be these things the actions of other people, or environmental factors, we find ourselves in unique sets of circumstances every moment. How we choose to see them and respond to them speaks to our character. Character, I feel, is greatly influenced by identity.
Identity as defined by dictionary.reference.com is,
"... 2. the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another ...
... 5. the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time and sometimes disturbed in mental illnesses, as schizophrenia...."
As we develop, our first and most important set of influences is our family. They define for us the world. From their actions, the examples they set and the expectations they place on us we develop our ideas about what to expect from ourselves and the world. The resultant thought processes are the foundation for character. As we live our lives, our circumstances change from moment to moment, but the way we react or respond to them comes from within. As we use the foundational thought processes to respond to situations early in life, we begin developing a sort of conditioning that we use to respond to later situations. This is simply cause and effect at a level we don't often consider. The mind rarely reflects on itself unless we make a concerted effort to do so. The natural tendency of the mind is to take in information about the world around us and to try to make sense of it. As a result, we are often at the mercy of the effects that our prior experiences have had on us.
Before working to understand my own identity, I had very unclear, and what I now believe to be unhealthy, ideas of success. Upon reflection and introspection I have come to believe that being totally independent is not only impossible, but unhealthy. People are social animals. We need social relationships and have become dependent on our society to thrive. Even when looked at through the lens of the most basic needs for survival, relying on our societal constructs and learning to work within them is the new human basis for fitness in terms of survival. It's no longer about knowing what plants are safe and unsafe, or how to hunt, gather and make shelter. Now we have people who have specialized in each of these areas. We rely on these people doing their jobs, so we can concentrate on doing our own, and being of benefit to society in the way for which we are best suited. As we are successful in creating a benefit, we gain resources (in the form of money) to apply to our needs and other desires. How we choose to allocate those resources is defined by our identity, i.e. the way we think and behave to attain the "sameness and continuity" by which we recognize ourselves.
With this reflection out of the way, I feel the struggle since has been developing an acceptance of this societal model. It has been difficult without guidance. I am a "big picture" person. I can't find satisfaction and understanding through taking a job and focusing on it without the grand view of where it fits and why it is important. Losing sight of that is bad for my mental health. Through my experiences I have determined that keeping the flame turned on in my health burner (to jump back to the stove metaphor) is important for my success. If that burner fails, I cannot carry out the actions needed to be successful in other areas of life. If my health fails, I cannot work effectively, nor can I be useful to family, or friends. Going back to the thought about people being social animals, these things are important too. I cannot see how anyone can totally turn off any of these burners and achieve true satisfaction. Without satisfaction, one's health, work and relationships fail. These things are all integrated, and reliant on one another. I feel the important thing for success is to become familiar with one's own identity, and learn how that identity best serves society and self mutually. Once we have that realization, and condition ourselves to accept that and work according to that, we can develop a sense of peace and satisfaction in our role in the world. If one is dissatisfied, that is where the reflection process becomes important again.
Success as defined by dictionary.reference.com is,
"1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.
2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like. ..."
In this definition, we are left to interpret what a success is in every instance. The perspective of the observer or judge colors and changes the meaning of this word. In the first example, the phrase "favorable or prosperous termination" is not well defined. Depending on the action, and who benefits from it, any outcome could be seen as a success depending upon which side of an exchange one happens to be. In the second example attainment is a clear word, but "wealth, position, honors, or the like" can be very flexible. Is this the position in question matriarch? Supervisor? Salutatorian or president? Do any of these titles mean success from one person to the next? Probably not. That depends on identity, and how one's identity leads them to feeling satisfied and behaving productively in life.
Perhaps there is some truth in the stove metaphor. I have a difficult time seeing how the expectations we place on ourselves to be all things (career successes, family successes, friendship successes and health successes) is reasonable. I understand the value of each, and of all. However I am having a difficult time reconciling the allotment of energy to each of those things to be very successful at any of them. Perhaps I will find satisfaction with mediocrity in each of these. Most likely, from what I have discovered about myself, I will need those around me to accept and aid my attempts to be awesome at everything, even when doing so causes me to burn out and drop the ball in some area(s) of life from time to time. Maybe one day I will get the hang of it. Until then I just have to accept that I will falter from time to time, and create a life in which there are people around who will be of benefit to me when I struggle, as well as making time and allotting energy and resources to be of benefit to those people in my life when they need it. Perhaps it's striking a balance of reciprocation, of giving and taking in turn so that everybody reaches an overall state of well being.
References:
Definition; "identity"
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/identity
Definition; "success"
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/success
Original Essay, "Laugh Kookaburra" by David Sedaris
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/08/24/090824fa_fact_sedaris
Image source:
By Mattinbgn (Own work), via Wikimedia Commons
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:DaylesfordTownViewGuestHouse.JPG
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
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